Don’t talk to me in Tesco.


To only the best people out there,

I’m a gobby kinda bird, who likes nothing more than admonishing spammers and socialising with my good mate, Gemma Collins, who admires my bewiskered qualities.
None of my current partners understand me. I need to meet somebody special – somebody I REALLY connect with.

The first thing people usually notice about me is my very funny personality, closely followed by my smashing elbow crease. I can be an execrable jerk when I don’t know people well – but with enviable body parts like that elbow crease and frighteningly smooth Mount of Venus, I can afford to be.

I work as an artist, benefitting just me. This allows me to exercise my exceptional scissor skills, general glue operation and wilful stanley knifing. One day, I was just about to stop my very important hard work work when THE GC appeared from nowhere and congratulated me on a job well done.

She said,
georgiewattshername, that was a job well done.”

Believe you me, that’s the kind of thing people say to me on a daily basis. Of course, Ms.Collins and I are best friends, so obvs the praise runs like Ron Zacapa Centenario XO Solera
Gran Reserva Especial Rum (70cl PLZ ta). A lesser man would get a big head.

My dreams come true would be: To meet Cher, see a law passed that will have all rapists bummed relentlessly with this and become the best artist I can be.

If you’re the right person for me, you’ll be rich and silly. You won’t be afraid to pay my Paypal account and will have a healthy respect for my not liking your fb pages.

My ideal date would involve watching cats poo in my neighbour’s garden with the right person by my side, whilst smoking only the best Cuban cigars and quaffing that rum I was on about. While we’re there, I’ll ask your permission to evaluate underneath your right pinky toenail (not too far), checking that you’re up to my understandably extremely high standards. If not, bye.

People only get one chance with me. For every person who displeases me, there are another 111 waiting in the wings to replace you.

If you’re worthy, get in touch below!

(c) 2019 ACME Extremely Real Dating Profile Solutions Ltd


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